Let me say, I believe every woman should become selfish with her time, and energy. In my blog title I specifically talk to women over 50, because that is the target for my blog.
The following popped up in my Facebook feed, as a memory. Apparently, someone had said or done something that got my righteous indignation up in arms.
Yea my life is pretty easy now a days (well except when I face plant on the floor of the bathroom LOL) I don’t really do much around the house. Steve does the majority of it – he’s retired and he takes excellent care of me.
So don’t begrudge me this freedom. For I too had kids. Three as a matter of fact. When my youngest was born I then had an infant, a two year old and a four year old. I changed a diaper every day for like seven years. Then they became school aged kids with school sports, 4-H, in the summer showing cattle, summer sports, band and on and on.
Roll your eyes all you want – I have done my duty. I am entitled to this ability to sleep in on the weekends, eat olives out of the jar for lunch, read undisturbed, do only my laundry, and take a nap any damn time I want!
I hate it when people say, Well it must be nice. Well yea it is. But lest you forget see above! ^
I have become very selfish. And I no longer care what anyone thinks about that.
I have to say most of the push back comes from women who are still doing everything for everyone, even though they don’t need to. Their kids are full grown, their significant others are more than capable of cooking their own dinner, and do their own laundry.
Why should you be selfish?
I want to first say there is a huge difference between becoming selfish for your own well-being and selfishness.
Selfishness is giving yourself “permission” to behave without empathy and disregarding the rights and well-being of others. I equate it with individuals who practice authenticity as a way to just be an ass. “Well this is who I am and if you don’t like it tough.”
Being selfish for you is, in my belief, the best self-care you can practice.
There are so many ways to be selfish for your own well-being. I believe the number one thing you can do is stop engaging in activities that bring no value to your life.
What would “no value” look like?
People, events zap your energy
I am a total introvert. I love to be social, but after one too many events I get an introvert hangover. I pick and choose, very carefully now, what activities I want to engage in.
People, events no longer value your contribution
I stop going to events or attending groups that ignored the members needs, didn’t start on time, were bitch sessions for the outspoken members, and on and on…
You only participate because you thought you should
All I can say to this is stop shoulding all over your self. Should you? Maybe. But the real question to ask is, “Do you want to?”
You will confuse want with should, because more than likely you have done a shit ton of stuff because you thought you should. Then everything becomes, “Well I should really do this.”
What are some of the popular shoulds?
Unless someone is needing to be pulled out of a “burning building,” then evaluate the desire to participate. (I use burning building as an euphemism for a true emergency.)
Shoulds are also when others try to guilt you into participating. To me that is a unqualified and loud, “thanks for asking, but no.”
If you made a commitment to something that you have a huge role in making a success, then yes you should go. Don’t be a flake.
My best piece of advice
It’s only been recently that I have become more selfish with my time and energy. Not always easy, but the more I practiced the easier it became. However, the one thing I did that made a huge, and I mean significantly huge difference was letting go of toxic relationships. It seems they perpetuated the “shoulds” more than anything else. Toxic people are the true definition of selfishness.
I would love to hear how you can become more selfish.