I took a good long walk on the beach this morning and my thoughts turned to 2017. This quickly went south as I begin to take stock of all my disappointments of the year.
My book is not written
I am still 30 pounds over my ideal weight
I still drink a bit too much
I am not running at much as I would want
“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.” – Henry David Thoreau
My journal is full of my words, my constant lamenting about how I need to do better. How I am exactly where I was 10 years ago. How no matter hard I try I am a constant disappointment.
As I was walking the beach berating myself I thankfully had a brief moment of clarity. Why was I doing? Here I was on a beautiful beach, great weather, I wanted to be grateful and thankful for where I was. So I began to think of what I had accomplished that would allow me to be here, at this moment.
And it wasn’t what I had accomplished over the last year. Being where I am today is due to the accomplishments of the last five years.
I’ve done some hard work over the past five years.
In 2012, I left quit my job, sold my stuff, and without a job and very little money went out to Colorado. Why would I do such a thing? I had spent the previous two years in a state of complete and utter disarray. The devastating end to my marriage sent me in a downward spiral of eating, drinking, drama, and toxic people. It was to the point I felt I had to run away from home to end the madness.
I spent 8 months out there. Best thing I ever did.
I broke away from my ex-husband, an emotionally abusive man, whose narcissistic tendencies wrecked havoc on my life.
I got rid of the toxic relationships. Some went quickly and quietly, others I had to give a good swift kick to the curb.
Drama is not allowed in my life. I no longer engage in gossip.
Life is a journey, not a destination. It’s those gradual, long-term successes which will give you the foundation. As my therapist tells me, I am no longer surviving. I am thriving.
Are we often frustrated with ourselves when what we want to happen doesn’t. Or it doesn’t happen as quickly as it should? Matters are not helped when everywhere you turn are reminded that you aren’t good enough. You see promises of instant results for everything.
We get frustrated when the internet isn’t fast enough. Or when we have to wait in line at Starbucks for more than two minutes. We are a society filled with – I want it and I want it now. This adds fuel to the fire of instant results.
I recently read about Kaizen – which translates roughly to “good change.” A Japanese productivity philosophy that helps you organize everything you do. In short, it means “constant, continuous improvement,” and is a mindset you can apply anywhere, at any job.
While it mostly used for a more productive work environment, you can utilize it for your own personal development.
Looking back over the last 50 years, to where I started, I have come a long way. No need for disappointment. Instead it’s a time for celebrating where I am and how far I have come. However, keeping in mind that there are still aspects of my life that I need to improve.
I refuse to be disappointed in myself anymore. It’s not a healthy way to live and I believe it has kept me down for many years.
Would love your thoughts on this topic!
Want to be surrounded by a group of supportive women?