Writing and rewriting the drafts of my book I remember the events and people that shaped my future. This process has given me a deeper understanding on why I’ve lived most of my decades the way I have.
Ill prepared for life, it was like stumbling in the dark trying to find my way.
One of the most profound revelations from my writing is realizing just how much of my power I gave away. Like a bucket full of holes, my power seeped out of me and the more I tried to reclaim my power the more holes my bucket gained.
I gave my power away:
To shame and guilt
To my emotions
To my bad habits
To toxic people
To approval seeking behavior (or as Brene’ Brown would say, “Hustling for your worthiness.”)
To my past
To dreaming about a future, I didn’t believe I could have
To not being present in my moments
Giving my power away was like spending money on cheap crap. It left me broke (and broken). Serves no purpose except to the manufacture of the cheap crap.
Your path forward is dark when you have no power. Claiming my power allows me to use my energy for a journey that is uniquely mine.
I wish I could say I don’t give my power away anymore. I do, sometimes to that glass(es) of wine after work, and dreaming about a future I don’t believe I can have.
The bright side is I keep a great deal of my power now, only giving it to good.
Learning to keep my power hasn’t been easy. We often give our power away because we don’t have the strength to feel all that we feel, or get uncomfortable, or make decisions, or take control of our reactions, emotions, and habits. It’s a lot of fucking work.
To keep my power and to use it wisely, I had to feel the pain of my past, come to terms with all the years I wasted, become self-aware, and most importantly:
Accept myself for who I am and where I am at any point in time.
Where are you in your journey? I would love your thoughts. Just pop them in the comments below!
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